13 Dec 2012

Torn

Torn. Clay, 203mm high.



The Rogue

The mentally ill tend to betrayed in popular media in to distinct ways. The first is all too familiar. The likeable but completely inaccessible lunatic. He is a little chubby, slightly afternoon of middle aged with a tidy yet quirky appearance. He franticly works away on a concept or project too far outside our own circles of thinking to be understood but, we can trust he is a true humanitarian at heart. He will save us, how and why we do not know but we like him, because he doesn't care that we laugh at him. The second, again a common suspect is the maniac. He too has a plan but this one may be considered “Master!” He has zero body fat, strangely nondescript but at the same time unattractive. He lives in a tidy apartment in a dilapidated building with attached chaotic secret lair filled to the roof with artefact and design, hell, maybe even a head or two. He hates us. We don't know why but we know if we look him in the eye we will see the devil himself. He will kill us, maybe eat a piece or two but in doing so will believe he is doing the good lords work.

Now wait. Before you think I going to go all politically correct on yo ass then shoot off to check the latest nude celebrity snapshots and night vision home movies like any good internet politician should, please let me tell you. I do not disagree.
In fact both are stereotypes and so by definition must hold some semblance of truth or perception. They are also not souly reserved for fiction and in some cases are traits featured in the lives of many in/famous personalities throughout history.
The interesting thing for me is both of these types share one very important factor. Our respective characters are both seen to believe their own perceptions and at the same time struggle to understand them. This I can tell you is fact. This is how it is.

At a time when my own mental illness was very much in control of my life, I with two friends took a drive to the mall. As we pulled into the car park I noticed a sign. It stated in no uncertain terms I was not welcome on the premisses. As you can imagine this was of great surprise to me.

“Well, I'm in the shit then aren't I!” I muttered.

Both my companions ask what I had said or meant. I shrugged them both off and hesitantly continued on. I've had various episodes similar to this over the years to varying degrees. Occasionally they can be very disturbing (I was once faced with the prospect of performing customer service duties to death himself until he was called away on duty.) but more often than not just very strange. The most difficult thing about these moments is that they once we accept them as tricks of our minds they begin breed distrust within ourselves. We can no longer believe of our own thoughts, ideas and perceptions. This is the rogue mind.
Not only does it distort the way we see others and the world but also forces us to reassess everything we think we know. We become suspicious about the people and places around us and can become distrusting and withdrawn. We may think the beliefs we hold are wrong or have been twisted. It creates confusion and can literately change who we are. It is this rogue mind that destroyers friendships, relationships and most of all positivity.

Many mentally ill people do tend to have a certain je ne sais quoi which can appeal to people from all rungs of life and can bridge huge gaps of interest. It is often the strangest of our friends that we consider the glue of our social groups. These same people can at times be difficult to deal with but when we consider the rogue mind it doesn't seem too surprising nor unreasonable.

2 comments:

  1. You have written and described this amazingly !! You have so obviously had a journey so far that has led you to do much self reflection, and work within yourself , it shows great understanding not only of your own mind and the different levels and chambers of thought and being , but also your awareness of the thought process and judgmental characteristics that make up the majority if this egotistical society !! ..... The us and the them ... charlotte

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  2. Thank you for your kind words Charlotte.

    To be honest I don't feel my journey has been any more extraordinary that most peoples. I just happen to have a blog account (which is free), write some stuff about myself, blar blar blar.
    Everyone out there is fighting a fight. Most in silence. Some by default. I'm sure you could write on the challenges of life the would make me weep like a baby. It's people who understand a challenge, who know how hard it is to fight who have done it. You are the champion Charlotte. I'm just a guy who talks about himself. xox

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